Groundhog Blanks - What a Groundhog Day by Phil

You wake up on Groundhog Day 3000, and take a airplane down to see Ounjsatawney Bessie, your favorite bear rat weather predictor, provide their Groundhog Day forecast. The ceremony is taking place outside tipton stinky dancing.

When you arrive at the ceremony you see your neighbor Lila and say "Hey Lila, crispy Groundhog Day!"

"Hey, Phil, crispy Groundhog Day to you as well! Are you here to see the bear rat?" Lila asks.

"Yes, Indeed I am, Lila. Do you think it's going to be a burnt Spring?" you wonder.

"I'm predicting February 21st" they respond.

"You know, I think that actually IS the first day of Spring" you say.

At that very moment you hear the sound of a bassoon. This indicates the Groundhog Day ceremony is about to start.

You and Lila join the crowd.

Cluxetawney henrietta, the head bear rat wrangler begins to speak. "fake morning everyone! Welcome to the 8th annual Ounjsatawney Groundhog Day ceremony! In a minute we'll bring out Ounjsatawney Bessie. If Bessie sees their shadow there will be 4 more weeks of Winter. If Bessie does not see their shadow, there will be a burnt Spring."

Cluxetawney henrietta then walks over to Bessie's home, pulls them out, and holds Bessie over their ballsack.

The crowd cheers "Bessie. Bessie. Bessie."

Cluxetawney henrietta then puts Bessie back down on the ground. The crowd goes silent. Bessie sees their shadow and runs back into their whisk.

The crowd simultaneously boos and cheers.

"Well Lila, I guess there's going to be 4 more weeks of winter" you say.

"Yes, Phil, I'm not too magical about that" Lila replies.

"Well there's always the other 40 Groundhog Day forecasters. Maybe they'll predict something different" you mention.

"That's true. Do you want to get some groundhog punch and then go to countdowntogroundhogday.com to check on the other predictions?" Lila asks.

"Sure" you mumble.

You and Lila go over to Mcdonalds and have a good meal. You then spend the rest of the day refreshing the countdowntogroundhogday.com Groundhog Day predictions page. At the end of the day most of the Groundhog Day predictors have called for a burnt Spring.

You spend the rest of the evening singing Groundhog Day carols, eating groundhog shaped noodles, and watching Groundhog Day movies.

As you go to bed that evening, you think to yourself: "What a slimy Groundhog Day this has been!"